英語小笑話
愛笑的人，運氣總不會太差，因為笑可以讓人充滿正能量，更能讓自己面對挫折，勇往直前，這里YJBYS小編CJYJBYS小編CJ收集整理了英語小笑話，讓你爆笑每一天。
英語小笑話 1
又要結婚了
"So you want another day off,”snorted the teacher to his student，Tom.“I am anxious to hear what excuse you have this time. You have been off for your grandfathers funeral four times already.”
“這么說，你又要請一天假，”老師怒氣沖沖地對他的學生湯姆說，“我倒想知道你這次找什么借口。你已經(jīng)請了四次假說去參加你爺爺?shù)脑岫Y�！�
Tom replied，"Today my grandma is getting married again.”
湯姆回答說:“今天是我奶奶再次舉行婚禮�！�
英語小笑話 2
Teacher: What is the plural of man,Tom?老師: 湯姆，“男人”這個詞的復數(shù)形式是什么?Tom: Men.湯姆:男人們。Teacher: Good. And the plural of child?
老師: 答得好。那“孩子”的復數(shù)形式呢?Tom : Twins.
湯姆: 雙胞胎。
英語小笑話 3
Little Pete came home from the playground with a bloody1 nose, black eye, and torn clothing.小彼得從操場回到家時，鼻子流血、黑眼圈及被撕破了衣服。It was obvious hed been in a bad fight and lost. His father asked his son what happened. "Well, Dad," said Pete, "I challenged Larry to a duel2. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons."
顯然他剛與人惡斗了一番，而且打輸了。父親問兒子發(fā)生了什么事�！班蓿职�，彼得說，我向拉里挑起決斗，而且我讓他挑選武器�！�"Uh-huh," said the father, "that seems fair."
“嗯，”父親說，“這看上去很公平!”"I know, but I never thought hed choose his sister!"
“我知道，但我沒想到他選擇了他姐姐!”
英語小笑話 4
The New Teacher(新老師)
George comes from school on the first of September.
9月1日， 喬治放學回到家里。
George, how did you like your new teacher? asked his mother.
喬治，你喜歡你們的新老師嗎? 媽媽問。
I didnt like her, Mother, because she said three and three were six and then she said two and four were six too.....
媽媽，我不喜歡，因為她說3加3得6, 可后來又說2加4也得6。
英語小笑話 5
An absent-minded husband
I was accompanying my husband on a business trip. He carried his portable computer with him, and the guard at the airport gate asked him to open the case. It was locked, and the man waited patiently as my embarrassed spouse struggled to remember the combination. At last he succeeded.
我陪丈夫一起出差，他帶著他的筆記本電腦。到了機場出口處時， 有位檢查員要他打開包。但是包鎖上了，機場工作人員耐心地等著我那窘迫的丈夫設法回想起暗鎖的密碼。最后他終于想起來了。
“Why are you so nervous?"I asked him.
”你為什么那么緊張呢?“我問他。
"The numbers are the date of our annivorsary.my husband confessed.
“密碼是我們的.結婚紀念日。”他承認道”
英語小笑話 6
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child I was told if I made ugly faces, my face would freeze and stay like that". Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you cant say you werent warned."
史密斯小姐發(fā)現(xiàn)她的`一名學生在操場上向別人做鬼臉，便去輕責他。
這位主日學校的老師甜甜地微笑著，說："博比，我小的時候，有人告訴我如果我做鬼臉，我的臉就會僵硬，永遠都那么丑。"
博比抬頭看了看老師，說："史密斯小姐，你可別說沒人警告過你啊。"
英語小笑話 7
erry went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "Ive got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think theres somebody under it. Im going crazy!" Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and Ill cure your fears." How much do you charge?" A hundred dollars per visit." Ill sleep on it," said Jerry. Six months later the doctor met Jerry on the street. "Why didnt you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. For a hundred bucks a visit? The bartender cured me for $10." "Is that so! How?" He told me to cut the legs off the bed!" Aint nobody under there now!!!
杰瑞去看精神病醫(yī)生。“醫(yī)生，我有些不對勁。每次睡覺的時候，我都感覺有人在床下。我要瘋了!”“給我一年時間，”醫(yī)生說，“每周來三次，我會治好你�！薄百M用是多少呢?”“每次一百美元�！薄拔視J真考慮的`。”杰瑞答道。六個月后醫(yī)生和杰瑞在街上相遇了，“為什么你再也沒來呢?”醫(yī)生問。“一次一百塊錢嗎?有個酒吧服務生收了十塊錢就把我治好了。”“真的?他怎么做到的?”“他讓我把床腿鋸掉�，F(xiàn)在那沒人了!”
英語小笑話 8
On a trip to Disney World
in Florida, my husband and I and our two children devoted ourselves wholeheartedly to the wonders of this attraction. After three exhausting days, we headed for home.
As we drove away, our son waved and said, "Goodbye, Mickey."
Our daughter waved and said, "Goodbye, Minnie."
My husband waved, rather weakly, and said, "Goodbye, Money."
迪斯尼之旅 弗羅里達州的'迪斯尼樂園是一個迷人的地方。一次我和丈夫以及兩個孩子前往旅游，我們?nèi)硇牡爻磷碓谒母鞣N奇觀之中。精疲力竭地玩了三天之后，我們要回家了。
當我們驅(qū)車離開時，兒子揮手說：“再見，美奇。”
女兒揮著手說，“再見，美妮�！�
丈夫也有氣無力地揮了揮手，說道：“再見，美元。”
英語小笑話 9
one day, a father and his little son were going home. at this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. now, he asked, "whats the meaning of the word drunk, dad?" "well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. if i regard the two policemen as four then i am drunk."
一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個孩子正處于那種對什么事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發(fā)問道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思?” “唔，孩子，”父親回答說，“你瞧那兒站著兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個，那么我就算醉了。”
"but, dad," the boy said, " theres only one policeman!"
“可是，爸爸， ”孩子說，“那兒只有一個警察呀!”
英語小笑話 10
A Girls Name
When our daughter was born, we named her Myles, after my beloved late（已故的） father, despite family warning that the name was too masculine（男性的） .
Years later, when I felt she was old enough to understand, I explained to Myles, Your name is very special. I named you after my own father because I loved him very much. I know he would be proud of you.
Myles thought carefully about this and then said, I know all that, Mom. But I dont understand why my grandfather had a girls name.
女孩的名字
女兒出生時，我們給她取名叫邁爾斯，和我深愛的也已過世的父親同一個名字，不過家人提醒這個名字太男性化了。
幾年以后，我覺得邁爾斯已經(jīng)長大，能夠懂事了。我對她解釋說：你的名字很特別。我給你取了一個和我爸爸一樣的'名字，因為我非常愛他。我相信他會為你而深感自豪的。
邁爾斯很仔細地想了一下，然后說道：這些我都懂，媽媽。可是我不知道外公為什么會有一個女孩子的名字。
英語小笑話 11
The doctor lives downstairs
"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly whats wrong with me."
He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "Ive just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, Im an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."
醫(yī)生住在樓下
“醫(yī)生”她沖進屋后大聲說道。
“我想讓你坦率地說我到底得了什么病。”
他從頭到腳打量打量她，然后大聲說：“太太，我有三件事要對你說。第一，您的.體重需要減少大約50磅；第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口紅，您的美貌將會改變。第三，我是一位畫家——醫(yī)生住在樓下�！�
英語小笑話 12
What are the Two Words?
A very nice old lady had a few words to say to her granddaughter. My dear, said the old lady, I wish you would do something for me. I wish you would promise me never to use two words. One is ‘lousy’ and the other is ‘swell’. Would you promise me that?
Why, sure, Granny, said the girl. What are the two words?
是哪兩個詞？
一個非常和藹的老夫人有幾句話要對她的`孫女說。我親愛的，老夫人說，我希望你能幫我一個忙。我要你答應永遠不要用兩個詞，一個是“討厭的”，另一個是“極好的”。你能答應我嗎？
噢，當然，奶奶。女孩說：是哪兩個詞？
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